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| A self-portrait I created during grad school. Photo: Abby Ferguson |
Confession: this year has been a complicated one for me and my relationship with photography. It’s been a year of conflicting emotions and unanswered questions about how to move forward with the medium. While I’ve already shared my reflections on some of my favorite photos taken this year, the end of the year also seems like a good opportunity for broader reflection about my place in the photographic world.
This year, I’ve been more involved in photography than ever before. On top of working at DPReview (for nearly a year now), I’m also teaching my second semester of photography at a local community college and I’ve joined local photography groups with regular meetups (a first for me). Photography has seeped into just about every aspect of my life and is part of every single day. It’s become an all-consuming activity and topic. And yet, more than ever, I’ve also grappled with what this photography thing is to me at this point in my life. This year has challenged me to consider what kind of photographer I am and whether I’m creating work that I even want to make.
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| My thesis body of work from graduate school consisted of digital multiple exposures printed on transparency film and mounted to plexiglass. The work centered around the impact of failing memory, specifically visuospatial working memory. The image on the left is a very small segment of my thesis installation, with a close-up of one of the pieces on the right. Photos: Abby Ferguson |
To understand why I’ve been grappling with this medium, some background may be helpful. I went to school for photography for seven and a half years. My undergraduate degree was a dual major in photography and art education, and I subsequently earned my Master of Fine Arts in the medium. Both my undergraduate and graduate programs were very conceptual, fine-art focused. I loved that side of photography, and it resulted in work that I am incredibly proud of to this day.
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| There was an interactive component of my thesis show as well. Visitors were invited to take one of the small images hanging from red string (a reference to an old memory trick), which left empty red strings by the end of the show (the image on the right). Photos: Abby Ferguson |
Since graduating from graduate school, I have held a variety of photography-related jobs, all of which have been focused on the commercial or general industry side of the field. Being busy with a full-time job (and trying to make money) meant that the art side of my photography was largely pushed aside. I’ve made the classic excuses, including not having time and not having a dedicated space to create like I did in grad school.
I’ve continued to dip my toe in the art photography waters from time to time over the past decade, but not with any serious focus. There have been some conceptual self-portraits and a few series that I’ve started and stopped, but I haven’t put forth the time or energy to develop anything in earnest or to get my work out there beyond my computer or the occasional Instagram post.
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| This is one of my more recent conceptual images, though it was taken in 2020. The red string has remained a consistent theme (or thread, if you will) in my work. Photo: Abby Ferguson |
I’d already been struggling with missing the art component for some time, which has resulted in something of an existential crisis. I’ve been questioning whether I still like and am proud of my work since it isn’t conceptually based. I’ve also been thinking a lot about the why. Why do I take photos? And why do I take photos of the things I do?
For a period of time, those questions resulted in my rarely taking photographs. Luckily, this year, I at least got over that hump and started shooting regularly again, largely thanks to the photo clubs. But those groups also brought all of my doubts and confusion into full view, partly because with these new people, I am frequently asked what type of photography I do. Quite frankly, I struggle to answer that question.
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| Film photography and photo walks with local groups (which this image is from) have brought the fun back to photography for me, though they have also brought some of my dilemmas to the forefront. Photo: Abby Ferguson |
To a certain extent, it’s always been that way, as I never narrowed down into one small niche as some do (and as I was constantly told to do). But it’s been amplified lately. I always feel like I need some long, convoluted reply, or to have an asterisk at the end of it. Am I still a conceptual photographer at this point? I make lots of non-conceptual work, but is any of it any good? And how would I describe that work in a word or two? I can confidently say that I don’t consider myself a landscape or wildlife photographer, but what type of photographer am I?
I wish I could say that as we wrap up this year, I’ve found my answer and can confidently say that I am a [fill in the blank] photographer or that I am in love with my photographs. Unfortunately, that’s very far from the truth. While I created images I’m proud of, the big picture is something I am still wrestling with, and likely will continue to. For the time being, I’ll just keep making work and perhaps find a renewed urge to put that work out there for others to see.